I can't believe I'm even writing this right now. I feel like it can't be real because I don't even know what life is without you in it. You are integral to why I am the woman I am today. You drove me to dream big. A huge part of why I went to UCLA and PA school is because of the confidence you taught me to have in myself. From highschool STUCO to you having my back and explaining it away with the teacher when I ran out of class crying the day I lost my 4.0, and then running to comfort me afterwards. Because that's the kind of friend you are. A protective, defend you till the end kind of friend (like the time you slapped a guy in the face for me at the freshman center) you loved fiercely. You did everything fiercely and that's why you achieved your dreams while maintaining alllllllll of your relationships at such a deep and loving level.
You mean so much to me and I am afraid I took you for granted these past few years. I know you know I love you, but do you know how much? Do you know how much I need you and expected you to be my side while I went through the next big hurdles in my life? I assumed you'd always be there, an aunty for my future babies. Now my babies will never know you, and I am so sad for them.
I know if you were here, you'd say it is part of God's plan, but I'm too selfish. All I can see is that our world is shattered, and I'm never going to get to see you smile or grin again. I'm never going to get your bear hug again or hear all the juicy new gossip. I'm never going to get to talk about how travel = food with you; you loved good food, and you had excellent taste!!
I just already miss you, and I don't know how we're supposed to do this and live this way for the rest of our lives...without you.
There is so much I could say and even more that I don't even know how to put into words. But now, nothing matters except that we will forever miss you. Since you always signed our notebooks with this, LYLAS <3
Forever and always,
Your dhith